By Faith Many wives would prefer that in-laws were not a part of their marriage. It is a problem that can lead to many broken marriages. Many daughters-in law dislike their mothers and few have anything positive to say about their mother-in laws. Many spinsters wish they didn’t have one when they married their husbands.
Many mothers-in law are seen as busybodies, overbearing and the greatest enemy of their wives. These are the questions you should ask:
“Why is it that mothers-in law are generally understood by daughters-inlaw?” Is it really bad for mothers-in-law?
Many homes around the globe, particularly in Africa, have a constant, unending conflict between a mother and her daughter.
The conflict involves two parties: the husband and wife, and the mother and father-in-law. It is important to understand the role of each party in the conflict to help us understand its causes.
Her husband and her
Many wives, particularly African wives, enter marriage fully prepared for battle. This is based on preconceived notions that mothers in-law are evil and should be respected. They have come to believe that their in-laws are antagonistic and have formed an opinion about them. If a woman has a loving and kind mother-in law, she will misunderstand everything the mother-in laws says or does.
One illusion that a wife has is that her husband must leave his parents after she marries him may be that he will abandon his parents and stay with her. This illusion is based upon a scripture which says “A man will leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife.” They seem to have forgotten that the same scripture also commands that a man honor his parents.
A sensible man won’t abandon his parents just because he married his wife. He must maintain a close relationship with his parents and provide for their needs. His relationship with them must not be strained by their interference in his marital affairs or those of his spouse.
Unfortunately, marital relations can interfere with a married relationship in many countries, especially Africa. This attitude is due to African cultural values, particularly the extended family.
The African extended family system is a wonderful and admirable cultural system that allows one member to be his brother’s keeper. One problem with this system is the assumption that a member can interfere in the marital affairs or children of another member.
A son’s consent gives a parent the right to interfere in his marital affairs. These powers are often misused and the mother-in law is the main culprit. The son who gives rights of interference to his relationships is clearly not mature and is still bound to his parents. Their apron strings. Real men and adults can get married. Real men are more than men who look like them. Maturity refers to the ability to accept full responsibility for one’s actions and face one’s challenges.
There is a huge difference between healthy respect for your parents and servitude to them. This distinction is often not understood by many men. Unlawful interference in marital affairs by a son is setting up conflict, whether he knows it or not. This is especially true if his wife dislikes and resents this interference. This is a sign that the son/husband is part of the problem.
Some men feel emotionally attached to their parents, especially their mothers. This loop is what a mother-in law uses to bother her daughter-inlaw.
The mother in-law
A mother-in law wants her son to love and accept her. She wants to be a part of her son’s life and treated as if she were a priority. Mother-Son relationships are intimate, but not sexual.
Mothers often care deeply about their sons. Mothers who have experienced difficult and sometimes painful marriages with husbands that were unlikely to be able to support them, often seek comfort in their children and take care of them. Their children may have had to endure a lot and many indignities to raise them. They saw their children as their little men.
A young woman suddenly appears to grab her son’s attention. She feels oppressed, and she becomes heartbroken.